Being a blogger, and someone who is putting themselves out their everyday online, I find that I always portray myself in a certain way. I always try to keep myself composed, offering advice and sharing my experiences, illustrating this completely in control and up together character. This is what bloggers do… I mean you wouldn’t want to read about my life, nor anyone else’s, if we were just ranting about what was going wrong and talking you through all our flaws. I like this part of blogging, as it makes me feel much more in control of myself and drives me to be the person I perceive myself to be online. However, there is no denying that I have my problems and bad habits, like every other human being in this world. Obviously, this isn’t something that I voice too loudly because quite frankly, why would anyone want to hear that? In time, this seems to have led to a world where a lot of people who read blogs have this perception that bloggers lives are perfect and they are so in control of what is going on around them. I like telling you all about the good things going on in my life, and to advice you based on my own experiences, but I think that it is time that I came out of my shell a bit. I also want to talk to you about the things that aren’t right… the things that make me far from perfect and the things that I need to change.
“Nobody is perfect. We must love our imperfections.”
Lately I have been doing a lot of reflecting on life, trying to decide on a few important decisions for the future and just generally trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. There is so much pressure nowadays to know what you want out of life at such a young age, but I am just so not ready. I have no idea, and quite simply just want to do the small things that make me happy in the moment. Therefore, that is something that I don’t want to change. The changes I want to make in my life are small, nothing extravagant nor over the top, just little things to help me get on with life and look forward to what the future offers. Some of them, I think, are changes that I share with every other nineteen year old girl in the world, probably because we all learn from each other and aspire to be like one another. Although, some are changes that I need to make based on what is happening in my life right now and things that are simply a must.
Health & Fitness Routine
I think this is probably the most obvious, and the most thought of by pretty much everyone else out there. What with it being just a few days after Easter and the time of the year when everyone seems to have given up on the new year diet, I think people will be in agreement that it is the time to start getting fit and healthy ready for the summer. In the past three months I have been going to the gym a lot more, and have got really into the routine now of going pretty much every single day. Not only has this worked wonders for my body, but it has also been helping me so much mentally. I feel so much more positive in myself, feel a lot healthier and have starting to really enjoy exercise. Trust me, that is something I never thought I would say. I used to be awful… like literally never did anything! Now I just feel so odd if I miss a workout, and my body always feels so much more sluggish and out of balance when I haven’t been.
I have also been trying to be as healthy as possible when it comes to my diet. I am a strong believer in everything in moderation, and will never be the girl to deprive myself of a chocolate bar or takeaway because I have to get into a bikini in a weeks time. I like food like this, but then I also love a home cooked meal at the end of the day, and light and delicious meals during the day.
Being healthy isn’t about having a size 8 figure, it is about feeling great on the inside.
As I have started to feel better in myself over the past few weeks, if not days, I have starting to slip back into bad habits. After a long day at work sometimes I can’t be bothered to make dinner so just have some toast, or I grab a calorie packed sandwich from the local Costa for lunch etc etc. These are small bad habits in my diet that do eventually add up and lead me to feel unhealthy and insecure about my body. It doesnt just effect my weight, but also my skin and my general mood. Therefore, this is a change that I need to make. I need to make sure I am eating my three proper meals a day, eating as much fruit and vegetables as possible and being much more conscious about the amount of crap that I am putting into my body. It’s all about breaking the wall and becoming used to a certain diet and lifestyle. With regards to the gym, I am going to keep going as much as I can, although I really want to make myself go swimming at least two times a week. My gym has a really good swimming pool and sauna, and I just don’t get the use out of it that I should. So a change to my workout is definately going to be swimming more and making sure I am going as much as possible.
My Fear of Change
I like to think of myself as a very confident and fearless character, which to a certain extent I am, but I do have my limitations. I am one of those people who gets very comfortable and content with how life is in the moment, often forgetting that change is okay. Especially as a young person, it is so important to embrace change, to learn from experiences and mistakes and to grow into the person you have always aspired to be like. Without change this doesnt happen. For some strange reason change has always scared me, and I cannot understand for the life of me why, because I have spent my whole life experiencing change. Through my childhood I moved schools several times, moved from Wilshire to Surrey to Bristol, lived with different people and learnt how to fit in every single time. *By the way, my parents got divorced and met different partners… I haven’t just been living with loads of strangers!* I guess, if you look at it from another perspective, maybe it is because I have experienced so much change in my life that I simply like things to stay the way they are in the moment. This may be understandable and completely acceptable after what I have experienced, but at the same time I cannot be afraid of never moving forward. I want to be fearless and be able to get on with life, no matter how many things must be altered in order to do that.
Embrace Change and Learn From Your Own Experiences
There are not many changes that I am able to make now, as I have a few obstacles to overcome, but it is more the fear that I feel I need to deal with first. A lot of things have changed for me since January, and the main lesson I have learnt is how strong I really am. I have accepted the changes going on in my life and am feeling much more confident in myself. Hopefully, overtime my fear of change will fade, as I realise that it isn’t actually always a bad thing. Sometimes things have to go backwards to go forwards, and sometimes you just can’t escape the things that life throws at you.
How I Use My Spare Time
As you will probably never be able to tell from anything I say on this blog, there are two Abi’s. There is the Abi who wakes up early, gets loads of blog work done, goes to the gym and enjoys cooking in her spare time. Then, there is the Abi who hates getting out of bed before 10am on her day off, lazes around on the sofa telling herself constantly that she should be doing work and then finishes off the day by eating super noodles and drinking a trillion cups of tea… usually watching a few box sets on Netflix. The Abi you see is obviously the productive and in control of her life one, but don’t be fooled, as I am often both. I try my hardest to get up and get on with life, but sometimes pure tiredness and a craving to be lazy just dominates me and there is simply nothing I can do about it. If i’m being completely honest, this happens much less now than it did when I was going through my younger teenage years, but it still does occasionally come over me. I know that sometimes your body physically does need a day just to rest and recuperate after a long and tiring week, but I want to limit this as much as possible, and only ever give in when I genuinely really need to. The past three months I have definately been doing this more, so now it is time to say no and get on with life. I need to keep busy, be productive every single day and get as much out of life as possible.
I want to start doing more things in my spare time rather than the things you know of. I think it is pretty obvious that I spend my life working, blogging and going to the gym, which in fairness is completely true. As much as I love all of this, there are a few things that I want to dedicate more time to. I want to start doing smaller things for me, such as starting to learn French (I am serious this time), taking some cooking classes and doing some work experience in fashion. I want to do things just because I will enjoy them, rather than almost having to do them. I think this is something important for everyone, to try new things and do things literally just because you want to.
Getting My Priorities Straight
If I have learnt anything over the past few weeks, it’s that I seriously need to prioritise the important things and people in my life. When things happen or change in a persons life, I feel like the biggest lesson you learn is that the only thing that really matters is the people who are behind you, supporting you and being there for you every step of the way. It is so important not only to acknowledge this, but also respect it and give back to those who have given you so much. Family and friends don’t expect big gestures of gratitude, just little things to say thank you. I love spending time with my family and friends, going out for a girly dinner with my grandma, taking time off work to take my little brother out for the day and chilling with my bestie on the sofa watching a good programme. Dedicating that time is not only good for them, but also for you. I feel so much better mentally when I have spent time with the people I love and made an active effort to prioritise their needs over my own. I can be a bit of a loner at times, just chilling by myself getting work done and going to the gym. I am perfectly happy just getting on with things by myself because I am so independent, but sometimes I get so caught up in this that I forget that the people who are important to me actually want to see me! It is all about getting the balance right and figuring out the things that are actually important.
I am someone who can get stressed over the smallest things, and if I’m having a bad day the most pathetic things can change my mood and attitude in a heartbeat. This is definately something that I need to change. I think when you really think about the things that are important in life, this seems to slightly go away. I don’t let myself get upset by minor details in life and don’t let people upset nor hurt me like I would have done say a year ago. I think when you figure out the things that are important to you, everything else just seems extremely petty and insignificant. It isn’t just people that are important to me, even if they are number one. My priorities in life apart from the people I love are simply to try and get on track with having a career that I love and enjoy doing things that just make me feel happy and fulfilled with life.
Feeling more comfortable in my skin
This isn’t a massive change that I need to make in my life, and will probably change naturally if I make the changes to my health and fitness regime anyway. I feel like I spend a lot of time feeling a little insecure about small things with myself, like a spot on my face or wearing a top that I’m not sure if it fits right etc.. I don’t really know why, because I don’t really care what other people think and I don’t think anyone really cares, but to me I would just like to feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin. I think it is much more just about feeling confident and happier with the way I look. If I stick to my balanced diet, limiting the sugar I eat and carry on exercising regularly I don’t see why my skin and everything wouldn’t improve… I just need to stick to it! This is all I can physically do anyway, so I guess a big part of it is my own mentality towards the way I look. I spend so many hours scrolling through Instagram, reading blogs and flicking through magazines that it really isn’t any wonder that I have a certain perception of how I should look all the time. Everyone online now seems to put together and so in control of the way they look that I kind of feel like I have this idea in my head that it is the way I need to look all the time, especially seeing as I am also a blogger. I know how unrealistic and how not true this is, I just need to keep repeating that to myself. The way people present themselves online is only ever a small percentage of the truth – no one really is going to put a bad photo out there of themselves because everyone is trying to create their own brand and build up their own careers.
Never believe everything you see online.
I am going to try really hard to see the flaws behind every photo I see, stop comparing myself to others and remember that everyone is human and has their own flaws. If you are a regular reader of my blog, please always remember that I choose to share the good photos with you guys, and my good experiences in life. Always remember that there is always more behind every photo and every blog post. I am only human.
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Photos by the talented Abi Galatia
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