So often at my age, I get so many people asking me where I want to be in five years time. Obviously, I have absolutely no idea and to be perfectly honest, I don’t even want to know. I am very much in the moment at the minute, and am enjoying the small things in life and just seeing where things go. I don’t have a set out plan like so many people, which maybe is a bit odd as I am such an organised person. So, this always makes me think, how did I answer that question five years ago? I would never have said where I am now. I thought I would have finished school with loads of good grades (I didn’t do too badly), be well into my first year at university, be living in a new place and just be spending my life going out and getting drunk! Life couldn’t be more different, and I am so thankful for that. Obviously, because I have an operation coming up, this definitely meant that things weren’t going to turn out like that. Although I think it was just a blessing in disguise. I hate studying, hate getting drunk and hate the whole idea of living the student life. A big thing that changed for me in the past five years is my confidence. I was such a shy and timid teenager, who got anxious about any situation and hated being in social situations. I moved schools quite a lot when I was young, so I think every time this happened it massively knocked my confidence.
“The Most Beautiful Thing You can Wear is Confidence”
Five years ago I was so anxious in every situation and just had no confidence what so over. I would always get out of going out with friends or even sometimes with family, and would just spend so much time lazing around watching tv and eating! Over the years this has changed so incredibly much, not just because of the time but because I have forced myself to do things in order to build my confidence back up. I am extremely happy that I have managed to grow my confidence, and feel so incredibly sorry for those who are still going through this no matter how old they are. It is such an awful feeling to not feel confident in your skin and avoid doing things because of it. I wanted to share with you guys the small things that I did to build my confidence and maybe even some of the bigger factors that helped.
Write Everything Down
I started doing this a long time ago and even now I still do it every day. Every single day I write write write. I still use my proper diary to keep organised and on track of what is going on. If I am organised and have everything written down I know where I am and feel confident just knowing that it is all in one place. It makes it so much easier to have everything spread out in one place.
A big part of not feeling confident is feeling slightly care free and happy with life. If you are stressed or anxious you will naturally feel a little less confident. When I go through times where I am feeling stressed then I start to write it down. I will always get my notebook out and just bullet point the things i’m stressed about and then what I can do to change them. If i’m feeling extra stressed i’ll even write lists of the good things in my life and then lists of others who are going through much worse times than me. In theory these lists don’t achieve anything, but I feel so much better afterwards just for doing it and getting it off my chest. It also makes a good use out of all the notebooks I buy just because they’re pretty and never get used to often.
This is a pretty big decision to make and something I have never shared here on the blog. When I first moved to Bristol I was going through a bit of a stressful time and after a bit of resistance I finally decided to see a counsellor. I was very dubious about seeing her, purely because I didnt quite understand how it worked. In my head I just thought that she couldn’t change what had happened, so why on earth would it help? I couldn’t have been more wrong. We must have talked for hours, and gradually I started to not only feel better, but started to feel like the real me. I was starting to feel so much happier and so much more confident in life. It took four years for me to finally feel happy in myself… four years of talking to someone once a week every single week. I will be forever grateful to her for helping me through a very difficult time and am so happy with myself that I swallowed my pride and did something that I didn’t think would work in a million years. If you are feeling low, have a lack of confidence or just need someone to talk to I couldn’t recommend it enough. I didn’t see her as someone who was helping me, I saw her more as a friend that I just had a chat with once a week. She massively brought me out of my shell and worked miracles to make me the confident person I have now become. If you are thinking about seeing a counsellor I think the most important thing I could say is that nothing happens over night and it takes time for the effect of it to kick it. Sometimes things have to get worse to get better and it really isn’t plain sailing the whole way through.
Never Say No
A big part of not feeling confident meant for me that I was very anxious about social situations and events. Whenever I was invited to something my initial reaction would be to think of an excuse to get out of it. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to spend time with people, it was just because I didn’t have the confidence and just felt so shy. This still can come over me even now, especially when it comes to blogger events. It is definitely something that I haven’t overcome, however my rule is to simply never say no (obviously unless I genuinely can’t make it). I have learnt that whenever I go out or do something that I am not feeling confident about, I always land up having such a lovely time. I have never experienced something socially where it has gone wrong or I haven’t enjoyed it which just says that sometimes you just need to force yourself into situations. I don’t hesitate half as much as I used to, and feel so much more confident about putting myself in sociable situations. Eventually it gets so much easier to put yourself in that situation as each time it boosts your confidence just a little.
Find a Hobby
One of the biggest factors for me that boosted my confidence was definitely starting a blog. I had been thinking about it for quite a long time, as I wanted a space where I could share my thoughts on fashion, beauty and even my recipes. I thought about it a lot before starting, trying to decide what sort of brand I wanted to create and whether I wanted to share so much of myself online. It is a big decision to make as you do have to really open up and do put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position. Anyone can see what you’re sharing and anyone can share their opinions, whether they be nice or horrible. I am so glad that I chose to take the risk, as my blog has completely helped me to get through things in the past three years. It is a place where I can be creative and be distracted, however it is also a place where I can rant and get things off my chest. People respond to my writing and eventually I have built up a space where I feel supported by others and able to communicate about different topics. I have made a lot of new friends through blogging, which has hugely improved my confidence. I do it because I love it and get a lot of enjoyment out of it, which naturally has improved my confidence just because it makes me feel so happy. When you are happy and fulfilled with life, confidence is a natural after effect. For me, my found hobby was and is blogging, however it isn’t for everyone. There are so many different hobbies out there, you just need to find something you enjoy and love.
Know Who Your Friends Are
A big part of being confident is always knowing when you are putting yourself in a better or worse situation. Sometimes I feel anxious about going to something just because I don’t really know anyone or what to expect, however this is not a reason to not go. If anything it is more, as it builds your confidence and helps you meet new people and make connections. Although, I won’t ever put myself in a situation where I feel uncomfortable. If you are going to something where you don’t want to go because you don’t like the company, never put yourself in that position. There is a difference between not doing something because you’re not confident and not doing something because you would be made to feel uncomfortable. I like to spend time with those who matter to me and people who are genuinely nice and fun to be around. I have become more confident since I realised that you don’t need to be friends with everyone and you don’t need to make friendships work if you cannot trust another individual. Confidence is surrounding yourself with people who care about you and want to be there for you. They are the people who make you smile and boost your confidence every single day.
Something that always makes me feel confident is when I am inspired by others. This happens in a lot of different ways, some much bigger and some really small. Obviously, because I am a blogger a get a lot of inspiration from other bloggers. Not in terms of content, but their attitude. So many bloggers that I follow just ooze confidence and a sense of true happiness in life. They always help me to build my confidence as in my head all I want to do is keep blogging and hopefully one day land up doing what I love, just like they have. For me this is bloggers, but for you it could be anyone who inspires you and gives you the confidence to get to where you want to be. With blogging you get so many people putting you down and teasing, so when I see all the great things that other bloggers achieve it totally over rides any doubts I have in my mind. They build up my confidence and just make me so determined to never give up. Never let anybody else knock your confidence – f*ck the haters.
Please feel free to always contact me if you want to discuss what I have spoken about and want to hear more about this topic.
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